01.21.2019 – The Day Before
“Even Though, He is Still” came from a place of deep adoration, one of unimaginable awe and wonder as my family and I near the end of a very difficult two-year trial, one that has not only felt relentless but that left our lives changed forever.
These last two years have tested my faith more than ever before and at times would have been easier to succumb to darkness; yet God never left me alone. Not only was He with me always, He sent individuals into our lives who have loved us, comforted us, supported us, and fought for us day in and day out.
I watched God bring new life to what once was dead and I experienced His faithfulness as He restored what had once been shattered. I witnessed the love and grace of my God as He renewed my broken soul time and time again. Through what could have destroyed my faith, I had the pleasure of going deeper in my relationship with Jesus. What we gained from this time of trial remains far greater than anything we’ve lost along the way.
Life with our King, our Lord, our Savior is more than we deserve and more than we could ever ask for. Yet, He still knows us each by name and provides our every need. Though fear and doubt will surly come, I know I can weather any storm, for my God is my refuge and my hope, and He does not ask me to face it alone.
Even though, He is still …
04.04.2019 – Seventy-Three Days Later
When I wrote “Even Though, He is Still” the day before my husband’s trial by military court martial began I was certain our two-year trial was finally coming to an end. To our dismay, it wasn’t even close to being over. It would be another three agonizing days later when we would realize the trial that was, was nothing compared to the trial that now surrounded us.
On January 24th, my husband of seven years was convicted and sentenced by the United States Uniform Code of Military Justice court system to three years confinement in a military prison, reduction in rank from E5 to E1, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and a bad-conduct discharge upon release from confinement.
What followed sentencing was a pain I’ve never before experienced. I wept, and wept some more. I grew angry as the days led on; angry at my husband, myself, the military justice system, and even God. I found myself annoyed as others complained about their “problems.” I had little to no empathy to bear the burdens of others; I wasn’t even sure I could bear my own burdens at the time.
This — I was certain — was Hell.
But Hell, or not, I know God would not have brought us this far only to forsake us now. Even though I find myself angry, He is still keeping His promises.
Instead of allowing my anger and hurt to control my next move, I have chosen to keep my eyes on Jesus despite the chaos and the pain. I’ve centered my focus on the one good thing in my life — my God.
So, even though I still find myself on my knees in agony begging God for a different reality, He is still lifting my head high, shielding me from the enemy, and providing my every need.
It’s the grandeur of His grace.